AUGUST
 
SIZZLERS
 
 
  Jay Buhner, Atlanta Attack
    .323 AVG, 9 HR in 96 AB
    - and, the scary looking bald dude was intentionally walked 5 times
 
  Al Martin, Gulf Coast Gamblers
    .333 AVG, .421 OBP .556 SLG, 11-2 stealing
    - The Pirates are paying him what, 800 bucks a month?
 
  Mark Whiten, Illinois Cougars
    .342 AVG, .446 OBP, .684 SLG  7 HR in 76 AB
    - Can't call him hardly-hittin' Whiten this month.
 
  Mark McGwire, Sterling Generals
    12 HR in 79 AB
    - only this guy could slug .797 with a .291 average
 
  Ellis Burks, Naptown Scarabs
    .331 AVG, .750 SLG in 92 AB
    - His extra base hit totals look backwards - 3 2B, 4 3B, 9 HR
 
  Kevin Mitchell, Gotham Darknights
    .444 AVG (24 for 54), .741 SLG   
    - however, he didn't steal any bases this month
 
  Edgar Rentaria, Calgary Snowsox
    .391 AVG, .440 OBP, .493 SLG, 7 SB, caught only once
    - Just wanted to get a middle infielder besides ARod on the list ...    
 
  Sterling Hitchcock, Rocky Bull Eyes
    5-0, 2.50 ERA, 41 K and 9 BB
 
  Bill Simas, Southern California Thunder
    2-0, 1 SV, 0.84 ERA, 16 K in 10.2 innings
 
  Charles Nagy, Sterling Generals
    5-0, 2.85 ERA in 5 starts
 
  Jose Lima, Calgary Snowsox
    1-0, 0.53 ERA, 8 hits and 1 walk in 17 innings
    - or maybe it was Felipa Lira, I can never keep those two straight
 
  Trevor Hoffman, Thunder Bay WhiskeyJacks
    1-0, 10 SV, 0.69 ERA, 4 hits and 16 K in 13 innings
 
  Randy Johnson, Phillips Concrete People
    3-0, 1.69 ERA, 33 K in 3 starts
    - not bad for a guy who couldn't bend over
  
 
 
FIZZLERS
 
  Johnny Damon, Derby City Racers
    .183 AVG, no extra base hits in 70 AB		
    - Is this any way to celebrate the sacking of Bob Boone?
    
  Melvin Nieves, South Georgia Cottonmouths
    2 for 34 (.059), 18K!
    - at least 1 of the 2 was a homer
    
  Wade Boggs, Calgary Snowsox
    .217 AVG, with only 2 doubles and 4 walks in 83 AB
 
  Andruw Jones, Glendora Titan
    .113 AVG, .127 OBP, .161 SLG in 62 AB
    - Unload this bum as soon as possible.     
 
  Rafael Belliard, Naptown Scarabs
    .151 AVG in 106 AB, also drew a walk
    - All Raffy needed was a chance to play ...
 
  Mike Hampton, Gulf Coast Gamblers
    0-4, 5.46 ERA in 5 starts
 
  John Burkett, Blackburne Silts
    0-3, 8.13 ERA in 5 starts
    - Opponents whacked an amazing 20 extra base hits in 124 AB.
 
  Dennis Eckersley, Naptown Scarabs
    8.47 ERA (5 HR) in 17 innings